LEAVE NOW.

Ok, from this point forward today, I am discussing vaginas and vagine related things.  So, if  this makes you uncomfortable,  you’ve been warned.

So.  Not that I’m getting any, but I went to the Dr. today, to renew my birth control prescription.  Even though, I’m not sexually active at the moment, it really helps regulate my cycle. I have the cycle from hell. It’s often painful, long, heavy, and just generally unpleasant. I found contraceptives at least made the whole thing a bit more bearable, and predictable.  ANYWAY.

Previously I was on the EVRA patch, but it was kind of a pain in the ass leaving sticky ass band aid marks on my skin, and honestly, just not sexy when I was naked.  Also, I like to bathe with lots of essential oils, etc, and it would make them fall off.  So, I wanted something new.  I am not a fan of Depo, and Norplant, ugh.  Mirena IUD was my next choice, but then that means no kids for five years…I’m hoping by then i will be done calving my spawn, ha ha. Guess it would help to get a boyfriend.  But, ANYWAY.   I kind of have a crap ass memory, and daily pills and me don’t get along – too big of a risk me forgetting.  So, I decided to try the NuvaRing, as I heard great things about it.

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I hate the word vaginal. It’s just sooo…I don’t know…clinical and abrasive sounding.  Anyhow. For those of you that don’t know, the NuvaRing VAGINAL RING is “inserted in to your vaginal canal” (oh god, typing that made me cringe, i’d much rather say, “you shove this ring up your snatch”, ) and leave it in for three weeks.  You then take it out for one week, experience “menses” (ugh, another word I hate) and then put another one in and start all over again.  So. I take it out of the packaging…

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Gives whole new meaning to the game "ring toss"

Ok.  So, this bendy little piece of plastic goes up your punanny.  it’s not really soft either, so I was like, um…dude, I’m going to feel this.  And what about when you “DO IT?”  I mean, how is it NOT going to get in the way.

So, I “insert” the “vaginal ring” into my “vaginal canal” (YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HEEBIE JEEBIED THAT JUST MADE ME) …and hot damn, I don’t feel a thing.

So.  In six months, I will update on the “doing it” and “nuva ring” situation.  I’m totally not gonna update right away, I don’t need all you perv’s knowing when I got freaky.  So, I figure a bi-annual update will be safe.

And…if I don’t get freaky in the next six months…man…I will just cry.  I will then officially start taking applications for sugar daddy’s.

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